The Ghost of Edith

 

She haunts me.
The ghost of Edith.
I thought I had moved on. It has been over two years now, and I had never ventured even a single thought. I have no regrets about the past and am happy in my current place. I escaped the plantation and made it back home.
As I said, never any thought of anything of the plantation, as I do not miss the place or the people. Of course, I do have some friends who are still slaves there and I still keep in touch with them, but Edith is not one of them.
It started when I finally looked through some old photos. Shocking how there seemed to be one person who was photographed more than any other. Edith was not the number one, but she was a good second. Then, the memories started, and that is when the haunting began.
It started those years ago when I was a new slave and Edith arrived a couple weeks after I did. Only, the place wasn’t a plantation back then, but a great place to be. Everyone was happy and we all liked each other. Well, Edith appeared and I was stunned. I was Mr. Happy back then because I worked alongside Edith every day and all was good. Of course, there was one minor issue and that was that Edith was already spoken for. So, my lust was ill-placed and in the eyes of many, would be called unconscionable.
Then, things changed. The economy changed and our nice managers became slave masters. Even worse, the fellow workers changed. Many left and many accepted the slave policies. I stayed, but I refused to be a slave. The disheartening thing was we had more that accepted the slavery than those of us that chose to remain free.
Edith was part of that group that chose to be slaves. In fact, everyone of Edith’s race chose to be slaves. The unaccepting thing was that Edith was the worse slave of them all.
That is when the hate started. I began to hate Edith and her people. All of us of the Freedom Movement hated Edith’s people. I became the main voice of the Freedom Movement, and had more run-ins with the slave masters than I care to count. My lust had become love and yet, the more loved, the more I hated.
I was never shy in expressing my love and I was never shy in expressing my hate. There were many days where I enjoyed every moment of being with Edith and then there were many moments I couldn’t stand the sight of her.
As the Slave Laws became worse, I became more hardened and weak slaves became weaker. Many a day, I stood alone with no hope of a comrade to hold me up. Of the weak slaves, Edith remained the weakest.
I finally had to shut myself off from her; I had to separate myself from her very existence. I decided to never speak to Edith ever again. What would be the use anyway?
Edith was the most loving and caring person I had ever met. I had begun to treat her rudely in addition to not speaking to her. She still remained happy and affable to me. That made me even more angry, yet I loved her more.
And then it happened. That day had finally came. Edith acknowledged she cared for me too. I was so bitter. How dare she do that. She had the nerve to say that after all those years of me pining for her. I did not even want to be around her anymore and now she finally wants to say something. I did not want to hear that. It was not like she was going to leave her current status and go run off with me.
I had to go. I need to escape from the plantation but more importantly, I had to get away from Edith. The day I left the plantation was one of the best days of my life. My life as a free man has been great ever since. I had not thought about the plantation at all, nor anyone on it, including Edith.
Then that day I finally went through my old plantation photos, and there she was. She looked as beautiful as I remembered her. I am haunted daily by her memory, like a ghost.
The ghost of Edith.

Loneliness of Love

 

I have accepted that I will be alone many eons ago. I am satisfied that I will never experience that great reward called “true love”. I am resolute with the fact that I will never have the gift of a child. Many will say that there is someone out there for you. The thing is that those that say that have found their equal. The truth is they have no concept of the dire feelings of those of us that will never share in that joyous bounty.
But, what is “true love”? Is it the love of that special someone or for some, the love of child or even the love of God? Is it unconditional as that of a pet to its owner? Some have passion for a talent as an athlete loves his sport.
Many stand by the love of family. Yet, many times the love that stems from blood can be a burden. It is the love of expectation from the family that has destroyed many a one. The love of family is never with malice, but many a son or daughter has felt the weight of parental ideas of a good life. Parents always “want the best” for them yet, is it the best for mom, or dad, or is it the best for the child.
Then, there is the love from finding a special someone. Some people find that special someone many times over. Then, there are those of us that will never find that person. We will never awake each day with the knowledge that there is someone that has given up their freedom to love us. We will never enjoy a date of ecstasy and contentment. We will never say,” I love you” and mean forever.
There will be many flings and unbridled moments of passion in our lives. We will not be constantly saddened by rejection. Yet, those moments become hollow in a quick time. For, like all, we desire love, that is, “true love”.
I feel so alone.